Random Rage

Caution: nerdiness levels approaching critical

A recent trip to Blockbuster resulted in my obtaining the above pictured DVDs: Serenity, Futurama: Bender’s Big Score, and Battlestar Galactica: Razor.  If there were a Geiger-counter-like device that could detect levels of geektitude, the table where I took this photo would break the needle.

I’ve actually seen Serenity a few times before — even more than once when it was in theaters.  I am quite sad to admit, however, that I hadn’t seen Firefly, the TV show upon which it was based, at the time.  When the show originally aired on Fox, the previews made it look interesting, but they kept advertising it as “From the creator of Buffy and Angel,” and since Vampires were never really my thing, that wasn’t exactly a selling point.  I’m just making excuses now, probably out of nerd shame.  Firefly is assuredly one of the best pieces of fiction ever created for TV, and I’m sad that it took me so long to figure that out.  My Darling and I recently finished watching Universal HD’s run of the show, the first time either of us had been able to watch the whole series in order and in its entirety.  Serenity is a perfect coda to the closing of the series. so the timing was right to watch it again.  Since you’re on the internet, chances are high that you already own the box set on DVD and are eagerly anticipating the re-release to Blu-Ray.  If you haven’t seen either the show or the movie yet, though, rent/buy/queue-up Firefly first.  The movie was made to stand on its own, but it’s a much richer experience to watch the show first.  Meantime: lesson learned — I will most definitely be watching Dollhouse this fall.

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Just upgraded to WordPress 2.6, only to find out that it killed my permalinks.  If you’re having problems reading any of the posts here, that’s why.  I’m working to get it fixed, although I may be at the mercy of the next WP release.  Ugh.

Seen in a public restroom on the changing table.  People probably thought I was strange for taking this picture with my (very loud) camera phone.

It’s happened to you too many times to count. You were opening the door to the grocery store. Maybe you were at the mall. Perhaps you were walking down the street the last time it happened. The little brat cut you off, nearly knocked you over, or just generally irritated you by gliding around like a shitty little Scott Hamilton. You were a victim of a little snot wearing heelys, the shoe with a wheel in the heel and an obnoxious “y” in the name. Annoying little asshats all over have helped this trend gather steam to become a full-blown phenomenon. And they must be stopped.

Since most parents of the children wearing this unholy skate-shoe hybrid don’t actually want to be parents, and therefore couldn’t care less if their offspring are gliding around like frictionless assholes, we have to take matters into our own hands. We have to strike back, hard, and let these little bastards know that anyone attempting to skate in a crowded pedestrian area is asking for a world of hurt. Following are several suggested methods of attack. When appropriate, use any and/or all of these measures that you see fit. Do not be soft, do not be forgiving. You may think that they are just children, but remember…they are the enemy, and they brought this on themselves.

• The Sly Trip: This is the simplest and most basic way to take down a heeler. Step into the direction of any heeler nearing proximity to you, and perform a simple trip. Make sure to apologize to both the heeler and any parent nearby, to maintain the appearance of an accident.
• The Frame-up: Only attempt this one if a parent of a heeler is nearby. Much like the Sly Trip, step into the path of an approaching heeler, but allow yourself to be bumped by the heeler. Fall down dramatically — the bigger and louder, the better. At this point, you have two options: You can feign injury, allowing the parent to apologize and scold their wheeled spawn; or you can go on the offensive, screaming at the heeler’s parent about how careless they were and how angry you are. Results will vary depending on the apathy of the parent and your personality. As a bonus, try and make the heeler fall down in the initial collision as well.
• The Looney Tune: This is one of the more advanced maneuvers, and quite difficult to achieve. However, it is also one of the most rewarding when successful. In an area with readily accessible doors (a supermarket freezer section is ideal), wait for an approaching heeler, then appear oblivious to their presence and open the door quickly, causing them to strike the door and fall. Please note that laughing with maniacal glee afterwards will severely hamper your ability to play it off as an accident.
• The Slip-n-Slide: Again, another advanced takedown that’s both effective and satisfying. Obtain a paper soft drink cup, similar to one you might find at McDonald’s or almost any food court restaurant. Fill the cup with a dark cola and ice, and add in about a tablespoon of your favorite lubricant. I prefer WD-40, but you will develop your own preference after several runs. Pretend to drink your soda through a straw and wait in a non-carpeted area for a heeler to approach. Once in range, appear to accidentally spill your cola into the path of the heeler, and enjoy the show. Again, apologies are crucial to appear as if the incident was unplanned.

Of course, improvisation and ingenuity are the cornerstones of any good field operation, so if you know any other good methods to take down a heeler, share them in the comments below. Remember, we didn’t start this war, but we will finish it. Now get out there, and let’s teach these little bastards to walk again.

I apologize for the lack of updates lately.  Blogging is a demanding mistress, and between my new job, family life, rounding-out my screenplay (yes, I’m a blogger with a screenplay, I’m aware I’m a cliche), and trying to cram three years’ worth of Battlestar Galactica into about three weeks, I’ve been a little overwhelmed.  However, instead of sitting in front of your monitor, fruitlessly clicking refresh to see if I’ve graced you with more of my wit and insight (or, you know, checking the site’s RSS feed…I do have an RSS feed, you know), you should instead get out for a spell and go watch Pixar’s newest film Wall-E.

Pixar have proven themselves again and again to be masters of the art of cinema.  Just because their movies are “family-friendly” doesn’t mean they’re kid-stuff, by any means.  The Incredibles is still my favorite superhero movie of all time, except maybe, maybe for Spider-Man 2.  Maybe.  Wall-E is simply perfect visual storytelling, filmic perfection.  If you haven’t seen it yet, and you actually like movies, then you’re missing out.  Trust me, go see it.  RandomRage will still be here when you get back.  There may even be a new post (I’m not making any promises).

I found out the hard way that watching four episodes of Battlestar Galactica in a row before bed can lead to dreaming you’re actually ON the Battlestar Galactica.  And not in a good “Gaius Baltar sex dream with Imaginary Six” way, either.

I covered a couple of problems with the Dash Express GPS receiver in part 1 and part 2 of my review, but there’s a growing list of frustration with the Dash that make it feel like I’m more of a beta tester instead of a paying customer.

• Routing Issues – The primary function of a GPS receiver is to get you where you need to go as quickly and efficiently as possible. For basic GPS devices, it’s their only function. So why does it seem like Dash has such a hard time with it. As I admitted before, this is my first GPS receiver, so some of the routing issues could be bad map data from TeleAtlas, who Garmin and TomTom also use for map data. However, when my GPS can’t find a route that Google Maps can, I’m concerned. Especially when its most touted feature is its two-way connectivity.

  The traffic information Dash provides is great, and the ability to choose different routes based on traffic is really cool. The problem is, when traffic is detected ahead, and the Dash offers to re-route you around it, it rarely offers a viable alternative to the route you’re already on. In fact, I’ve found that if I occasionally ask the Dash to re-route manually, it will find a better route that it didn’t find to begin with. That needs to be fixed.

• Speed – The Dash is slow. Slooooow. Slowpoke Rodriguez slow. I’m seriously hoping this is due to a lack of code optimization and not a hardware issue. When the unit is cold-booted, you wait and wait…then you wait to acquire a GPS…wait to connect to the network, wait between menu screens, wait for the dash to calculate routes…it makes you wonder if they named the unit “Express” for ironic reasons. The data connection wait is a big deal for me, as well…I don’t mind that the connection speed is limited to GPRS speeds (1G, if you don’t know what that means – basically, browsing the mobile web on a cell phone that’s five years old). All you’re using the live data connection for is traffic info and essentially text searches, which really aren’t bandwidth intensive. No, my problem is with how long it takes for it to get connected…if you want to find someplace to go in a hurry, you can spend nearly five minutes waiting for the device to hop on the internet so you can get your search on. Which brings us to… Read the rest of this entry »