Open Letter

The rest of the world needs to hear about this.

Dear Blockbuster, this is why you’re going bankrupt

2
1 year ago
in ,

EDIT: As pointed out by a commenter below, Tron was in fact out of print and in Disney’s vault at the time I wrote this.  That and my response below in the comments.

Last weekend, I went to one of your bigger stores in the area to rent Tron. You didn’t have Tron, not on Blu-Ray or DVD. One of your helpful employees checked, and none of your stores in the area had it, either. A cult hit with a major sequel coming out in just a few months.

I couldn’t find anything else on Blu-Ray that I wanted to watch (how is it that Netflix’s barely stocked Watch Instantly selection is better than your More >

An Open Letter to the woman in the car behind me

4
3 years ago
in ,

Hi there,

You may not have noticed me here. I’m the guy in the car in front of you. I understand that you may have accidentally overlooked me, since you’re driving an SUV approximately the size of a small office building. It’s perfectly understandable. I just have a simple request, if you don’t mind:

GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE!

Look, I understand why you have a very large vehicle. You have two children, they need their space, or they start fighting all the time. And it’s really irritating when they fight. You definitely need the third-row seat for when you have to pick up some of their More >

An Open Letter to Your Mom

0
3 years ago
in ,

Well, good afternoon Mrs. Henderson. How are you? Mhmm, mhmm. I’m pretty good, thanks for asking. Yup. Oh, he’s not home? Okay, I can wait here for him, if you’re sure you don’t mind. Thank you.

Have you redecorated lately? Yeah, I see that. I like them, I really do. Cookies? Oh, thank you, you’re too kind. No, I love chocolate chip, they’re my favorite. Yes, I’d love some milk to go with them. Thank you. Oh, no, nothing’s wrong with the cookies, I just really don’t like to be touched when I’m eating, and well, your hand is on my thigh, Mrs. Henderson. More >

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