Watch what you advertise
Oct 23, 2009 | Filed under Misc., Rants
I’m not really a ‘fancy watch’ kind of guy. I rarely dress up, and the few watches I’ve owned were Fossils that I liked but didn’t last longer than a year. Because, of course, FOSSIL WATCHES ARE CHEAP WATCHES. So I’ve never owned a watch that cost more than, say, $80. And I was okay with that. Even if I could afford a nice watch (I can’t), it probably wouldn’t be a priority. Lots of other things could be bought with a few thousand dollars. Nerdy things, if not entirely practical ones.
And then I was browsing through this month’s Wired. And I turned to page 91. And I saw…it. A full-page ad featuring a black Rado watch. I’m pretty sure my mouth watered upon the sight of it. ”I want that on my wrist. Now.”
I do not recall a time when a magazine advertisement was so effective, so instantly compelling. I immediately hopped up and went to the Rado store site listed at the bottom of the ad to find this piece of beauty, this curved, black slab of perfection — something I’m pretty sure I’ve never done before — and looked for it. And looked. And looked.
And the sonofabitch wasn’t there.
Not that it really mattered. Not that I could afford one at the moment…or, you know, ever. There were some passable watches there on the site. Nothing worth the asking price, in my estimation. But this…thing…this irresistible bit of perfection, seemingly fashioned specifically for my wrist…was nowhere to be found. I couldn’t even admire it from afar…perhaps price it and begin to save for it (or shop for mortgages to afford it). Because it DOESN’T EXIST OUTSIDE OF THE STUPID AD IN WIRED MAGAZINE.
So, in conclusion, I’d like to say: Dear Rado advertising department — please get your shit together. And please send me one of those sublime, apparently non-existent watches. Thanks.
Random Playlist: I know why the Caged Elephant sings
Oct 22, 2009 | Filed under RandomPlaylist, music
The first time I heard Cage the Elephant on the radio, it was like a breath of fresh air. The song, “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked
Unfortunately, it turns out, the first time I heard the song on the radio in my native Dallas was the last time. At least, while I was in Dallas. While none of the ClearChannel-choked radio stations in the Dallas area have ever played the song again (while I was listening, anyway), I’ve heard it almost every single time I’ve gone out of town. Maybe Cage the Elephant did something to piss off ClearChannel (perhaps they all slept with, then failed to call the CEO’s daughter?). Who knows? Maybe the prominent role the song plays in the game Borderlands, which came out on Tuesday, will finally get it the attention it deserves in Big D. Maybe I need to just suck it up and get a satellite radio. Either way, enjoy Cage the Elephant.
Screw iTunes. Get your music from Amazon.com
Unforgiven sucks. There, I said it.
Oct 15, 2009 | Filed under Movies
Once upon a time, I held fast to the notion that I didn’t like movie westerns. I don’t know why, I just assumed I didn’t. I’d seen Tombstone, which sort of counts, but I didn’t love it as much as my friends. I mean, it has Val Kilmer dying of tuberculosis and Kurt Russel sporting a killer mustache, and that’s about all it has going for it. I didn’t hate the movie, but the fact that I had to google it to remember that Kurt Russel was the star in the first place should tell you the impression it made on me. And that was the only western I’d ever managed to watch, unless you count that one episode of Star Trek:TNG where Data has tits.
And then, a friend made me watch The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
Holy. Shit.
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly is quite possibly one of the coolest movies ever made. Not westerns, movies. It deserves more praise than I’m going to give it here, but I seriously felt shamed into thinking I was above the entire genre. Good is actually the third in what’s known as director Sergio Leone’s ‘Dollars trilogy’, starting with A Fistful of Dollars and A Few Dollars More, all starring Clint Eastwood as ‘The Man with No Name’ (or Joe…whatever). I was finally able to catch all three thanks to the awesomeness that is HDNet Movies (seriously, if I ever meet Mark Cuban, it will be hard for me not to hug him). And they’re all great!
Also, he has so much money at the end of all three movies.
Know what else HDNet is playing this month? Unforgiven. “Of course!” I thought. “What a great chaser to Sergio Leone’s classic trilogy! It’s directed by Clint Eastwood himself, and surely he picked up some of Leone’s greatness. It even won the Oscar for Best Picture, and the Academy never picks overrated, bloated, preachy movies for Best Picture. Right? Right??” Continued »
The movies-by-mail dilemma
Oct 13, 2009 | Filed under Movies
I sincerely need help with this problem, and I hope reaching out to the depths of the internets can help me. We’re talking a Sophie’s Choice-caliber problem here, people: I am currently signed up for both major movies-by-mail programs, and I need to cancel one.
I’ve been a Blockbuster Total Access subscriber for a couple of years now, and for the most part, the mail service works great. Movies arrive within a day (or they did, before I moved and mail service got infinitely shittier at my new zip), and I generally get what’s at the top of my queue, except for the occasional rare item. But, once the Xbox 360 dashboard update came out allowing you to browse Netflix’s streaming catalog straight from the living room, I thought I’d give it a try. And now, I’m seriously torn. And keeping both is not an option, no matter how much I beg the lady of the house.
Both deliver movies by mail efficiently, and have a pretty vast selection of Blu-ray and DVDs, so those are non-issues. It’s all about the extras.
The facts are these: Continued »
It’s time for straight men to reclaim Kristin Chenoweth
May 18, 2009 | Filed under Misc., Rants
Alright men – specifically, straight men – listen up. This is Kristin Chenoweth:
She has become an icon in the gay community, and the majority of her fanbase is gay men…and this simply won’t do. Straight men, we are taking back Kristin Chenoweth. The reasons why we need to take action and reclaim her for ourselves are as follows:
- She’s gorgeous. This is kind of a given…otherwise we wouldn’t have to fight the gay men over her.
- She’s crazy talented. In addition to winning a Tony and being a fantastic actress, she’s also a classically trained soprano. You know, the glass-breaking kind.
- She’s a good girl you can bring home to Mom. Chenoweth makes no secret about the fact that she’s a Born-Again Christian (in fact, the character of Harriet Hayes on the short-lived Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip was pretty much based on her), and you know your mom would definitely approve. Continued »
Even more inappropriate Mother’s Day cards
May 14, 2009 | Filed under Misc.
Mother’s day was this past weekend, and if you didn’t know that, you’ve probably already been on the recieving end of a guilt-riddled phone call. However, just like last year, while shopping for cards for those I know that have expunged a human from their loins, I came across some very unusual cards. And, just like last year, I thought I’d share them with the rest of the internets.
Let’s kick things off with a card that seems to completely miss the point.
Did you know that black mothers occasionally need to be reminded of their blackness?
I’m not exactly what a portrait of “whiteness” would be, but I’m sure it would involve clothing from the Gap. Continued »
Whiskey, Dollhouse, and why everyone else on the internet is wrong
May 2, 2009 | Filed under Misc., TV
This post contains severe spoilers for last night’s Dollhouse episode, so if you haven’t watched it on your DVR or Hulu or whatever, then DO NOT KEEP READING. Continued »